A Heart to Hold the God-Like Truth
by beforeyouspeak
Summary: Helena tries to deny her truth, but the Warehouse has other ideas.


A/N:

I set out to write a Bering and Wells piece for Valentines Day. I started with the song "I just want you" by Sara Bareilles, and the title is a nod to some of the lyrics. I asked a friend to help me fill in some of the gaps. Resonantanonymous was kind enough to give me a treasure trove to select from, so there will be other fics down the road. Thank you to my faithful beta, Uniquely Named, who keeps me in line even though I have yet to be able to get her to watch Warehouse.

My dear Res, I hope this meets your expectations.

* * *

Helena really and truly had no intention of ever returning to the Warehouse. But then again, when had her life ever gone to plan. She was learning with every passing day that she was destined to live somewhere far beyond the scope of normal. And yet she insisted on fighting it. A part of her believed that she could escape the ramifications of her past if she could just live an existence without any trace of who she once was. If she could just erase both the brilliance and madness that drove her into bronze, maybe she would be happy.

Fate had a funny way of continually redirecting her. First with the Janus Coin. She had been blissfully happy as Emily Lake. Her life was fulfilling and light in ways that she had never experienced in any century. It was a simple good life. She wasn't extraordinary, but she didn't hurt either. Yet it was only a matter of months until the curly haired agent was standing in her office, and from there the false life came apart at the seams. At that moment she was still incapable of denying Myka anything. Helena didn't want to return to the Warehouse, nor could she leave the beautiful agent when there was such incredible danger. When her consciousness returned to her body, she was filled with the foreign inclination to lay down her life if it meant Myka would live.

The draw between them had always lived just under the surface. They had far too few days in the luxury of each other's company, but still she knew without a doubt that the woman knew her better than any other ever had. For once in her existence, she wanted to do the most selfless thing. She would never forget the look on Myka's face when she offered herself up. She had expected to see mortification and fear, but when love and adoration settled across the fair features, Helena struggled to breathe. She knew the agent would object to her plan, but for the love she carried, the time traveler knew there was no other option.

But that hadn't been the end, that came back in the Warehouse itself. When she realized the explosion was going to kill the woman she realized she loved above all others, she devised the only way to save her rag tag family. In the moment before the bomb went off she looked into the expressive green eyes. She saw again love but it mixed with the horrified realization that this was really the end. It broke Helena's heart, but she knew Myka would go on living without her. If it were the other way around, well it would simply never work. So she mouthed slowly "I love you." And she meant it. She had always meant it, though until now she never directly addressed it. She smelled apples and then it was all over.

Of course, until it wasn't. Yet another peculiarity of her life. Mrs. Frederick shared with her the memories of the timeline she didn't recall before asking for one final favor for the Warehouse. In the months spent protecting the astrolabe she was positively haunted by the final look on Myka's face in the other timeline. The emotion was almost too much for her to bear. She did her best to focus on the task at hand. And when her final mission was over, she requested privacy and the ability to disappear. Reluctantly the caretaker agreed. She fully pardoned Helena for all of her past acts, leaving the door wide open. It was clear she hoped the inventor might make a different decision in time. Helena hated to disappoint her, but she needed to retreat. She chose Wisconsin randomly. It was ironically as innocuous as South Dakota. The false credentials from Mrs. Frederick made finding a job easy. Helena settled into any easy routine of simple existence. She didn't seek out danger or even pick up a pen to write. It wasn't long before she met Nate. He was delightfully normal and his daughter was sweet. The decision to move in with them was an extension of her quest for a typical 21st century existence.

Fate yet again intervened, when she swung open her front door to find Myka and Pete staring back in shock. When Myka specifically requested her help, Helena acquiesced. In her mind's eye she saw nothing but the look on the woman's face at the moment of her own death. She slipped easily into old habits. Working at the female agent's side had always been like breathing. They could negotiate so many situations without a single word passed between them. It was no surprise that they were successful in short order. With the focus of the hunt for an artifact, there was little to focus on aside from the hurt that permeated from Myka at her choices. Though the agent tried to hide it, seeing Helena with another life, one that didn't include her, clearly pierced her soul. But she held her tongue. She encouraged the time traveler to find her happiness to fight for what she wanted. She softly requested permission to be included in Helena's life even if only marginally.

She pushed away the emotions bubbling up in her as she watched the car driving away carrying the most precious living person in her life away from her. She justified it to herself swearing up and down that Myka was safer miles aways from her. She brought nothing to the young woman's life but pain and risk. Pain in the short term would be better in the long run. But the visit from her past stirred in her longings for her old life. Most nights she woke from dreams of chasing artifacts and flashing green eyes that screamed love. She quietly exited Nate's life before it got too messy. She knew if she stayed it would only get worse. She hated the tears of the child, but a lifetime full of lies would do more damage.

When her phone rang from a blocked number, she wasn't entirely surprised. She wondered how long it would be before the Warehouse asked for more, because it always did. However, she had not expected a sobbing Claudia on the other end of the phone. The young woman held Helena in high regard and largely attempted to hide weaknesses from her. It took the greater part of 10 minutes to get anything coherent out of the woman. But once she did, everything changed yet again. Helena sank gracelessly to the floor. Myka had cancer. Joyful, brilliant, full of life Myka could be dying at this very moment. After she hung up the phone she wept. She wept for the loss of her daughter so many years ago, the lives she took and the life she didn't have a courage to claim as her own. The thought of Myka no longer being in the world hit her just as it had when the Warehouse was going to explode. How could H.G. Wells live in a world without her? This time there was no great feat of heroics to right the world. Instead it would be slow, painful and uncertain.

The next morning Helena stood in the cold on the porch of the Bed and Breakfast. Most of her things sat at her feet and the rest would arrive in a few days. She hesitated before knocking. She knew of Leena's death. She hadn't considered what she would do if the new inn keeper didn't know who she was. Her fears were assuaged when the doors swung open and Claudia launched into her arms. The bone crushing embrace was her first confirmation that she had indeed come home. She was immediately led upstairs and left staring at Myka's closed door. She took a deep breath. No one would be making this entrance easier. She was here to be the young woman's strength. The room was dark and her eyes strained to see the body huddled under the covers. She quietly sat on the edge of the bed and silently ran her fingers through the messy curls fanned out over the blankets. Her heart ached when Myka pressed her face into Helena's stomach and sobbed out every fear she had.

Then had come the doctor's visits, so many doctor's visits. The news went from bad to worse. The cancer was aggressive. With a determination that was purely Myka Bering, she chose to attack the disease from every angle. Daily Helena was treated to warm smiles even as hair fell out and her body betrayed her. As she clawed her way through the worst of it, the time traveler was steadfastly at her side carrying whatever burden Myka allowed. She'd been silently accepted back without discussion about how or why she returned. They never talk about what they had or were, though Helena never moved into her own room and it was rare to see them apart.

In the lobby of the oncologist, Helena sat with one hand on Myka's knee. It was a pivotal day. They would find out if everything the young woman endured would be worth anything in the end or if it would be another chapter in a lifetime full of pain. They walked hand in hand into the office tense with anticipation. Helena watched the doctor's body language with rapt attention looking for anything that might end the suffering of waiting to hear Myka's fate.

"How are you feeling, Myka?" The doctor's voice was soothing and quiet as it always was.

"A bit tired, but better since the chemo is done. The side effects become less with every passing day." She squeezed Helena's hand in comfort. Helena bore her through the worst of everything without judgement and with a grace no one else was capable of.

"Good. I shouldn't keep you in suspense any longer. I am very pleased with your results. All of the tests we ran this week indicate that you are cancer free. Of course, you understand that recurrence is a very real risk. It will be important that we continue to monitor your health carefully over the coming months and years."

Helena could scarcely breathe as a smile stretched across Myka's face. She dug the nails of her free hand into her palm enough to feel the bite of pain. She needed to know this was no dream. Months of anxiety and fear could be washed away with simple words, but she had to know it was true before she would risk celebration of any type. She couldn't focus on the rest of the short meeting. She openly stared at the beautiful strong creature in front of her. Once again Myka Bering had accomplished the impossible.

They walked out into the snow as they had come in, hands woven together. Myka walked with clear purpose. She was a woman on a mission to celebrate. Helena treasured watching her over the last few months open up fully to her friends, allowing them to see all of her and support her. The formerly closed off agent blossomed in the face of her own mortality. And though the time traveler too was looking forward to the marking of this momentous day, there was something that she had to do. Something that she should have done a very long time ago.

She stopped walking and tugged at the hand in her own causing the woman to turn abruptly to face her. The green eyes glittered with love, it was a look Helena had become accustomed to. She stepped bravely towards Myka never releasing her hand. With her other she traced the slender face chiseled by the harsh drugs required for her survival. Yet, the young woman had never been more beautiful as her eyes fluttered shut in pleasure at the touch. Helena thought she might melt when her name was whimpered out in desire. She gently and slowly pressed their lips together. She explored and savored for long moments as she'd dreamt of doing many times.

For the first time in her more than 100 years of existence Helena G Wells had what she had been looking for. The soul and heart of the woman in front of her completed her own. There was nothing this planet in the past, present or future could offer her that would be more than this. The eyes looking into her own seemed to recognize that though this might not be the easy way, but there was no denying the want and inevitability. The time traveler couldn't predict the future, but she was certain that she was done wasting time. The sensual smile that graced Myka's face suggested felt the same truths resounding in her own chest.

"Take me home, Helena," the young woman whispered against her lips.


End file.
